Am I Willing To be an Adult?
“I am afraid of growing up, kak.” my little brother said. “Me too, An. Yet, we cannot do anything except living it.” I replied.
The process of growing up and facing adulting life by yourself, alone, in the city far from your family, yet I am still standing here, trying to finish my college life alone. But I am happy to find friends I can lean on during our last shit year together.
I am maximizing only some of my potential during college life. There are a lot of days when I only stare at my laptop did nothing, and I hate myself for being that. Being a seventh-semester student not doing her very best cracked my nervousness. However, this post ain’t share my dark thought because I know it is just too useless to cry over things that already happen. I am today, want to share positivity so that after I upload this post, I’ll gladly say hi to my thesis and progress a little bit.
It’s funny actually that in November I had pretty much invited to come to my friends’ thesis defense. I congratulate them from my deepest heart and am happy with them as well. One day, one of not my close friends said to me “Vira hasn’t presented her proposal yet.” It was quite hurtful actually, all my friends got mad when I told the story. I am not taking it too much because she spoke the truth. So actually, what is Vira doing until she still does not do anything?
Well, she tried to progress things, but to reach the biggest goal, it needs a lot of steps with some holes on. She does take a little step, even it just a one little step a day, it still a step. Sometimes, there’s a day when she felt she went too far and decided to sit and relax. Also, there’s also the day when she needs guideline but the one she’s asking cannot manage to find the best solutions. However, out there, she knows her family supporting her endlessly without really pushing her to finish the line asap. Once in a while, she cried so hard and regretting all the decisions she took, she cried as in no one will come to help her stand up. Then, she realize this race is herself versus the thesis. It’s been 3.5 years, she cannot choose anything except winning it.
Whereas, after finishing it, then what? Facing the real step with a lot of people in the same contest but from different start? what is the price for winning the competition? a position? validation from people? happiness? Oh, I wish we can pause the time and rest a bit because I actually feel never ready for being adult.
I never planned for being an adult. I just only read and hear it from people or books. But no one asked me, Are you ready? But even if they wait for me until I’m ready, will I ever be ready?
As I said to my little brother earlier, I am afraid to face adulting life as well, we are in the same fear. Nonetheless, in life, there’s no pause button, yet we do have our own pace, slowing down the pace even only an atom step, it is still progress.
Dear Vira, don’t be afraid if you find yourself left behind from your friends, it is all already planned, all you have to care about is you, yourself. Give yourself break whenever needed. Give yourself all the best she needs. At the end of the day, you, carry the happiness for yourself. We are never ready to grow up rapidly, but taking care of ourselves and believing in ourselves, matters to us. Let slowly enjoy the process and take a sip of chocolate while enjoying the process of adulting. :)
/sincerely, vir.
-Dec, 2022.
