I Have Been Dying to Write This
So, Hi. This is me trying for 84729 times to write something. I always stop in the first paragraph. Well not really one paragraph, sometimes it stopped on the third sentence. However, this time I will push myself to write because I genuinely wants to write, but I always not be able to finish it. Let see if this will end on draft again, or I finally be able to write something, completely.
These four months in 2022 things have been pretty chaotic yet super duper fun. In the first month, January. I had an internship as an assessor on Kumon, for the whole month. 8 hours a day. If in the future, After the uni life has finished my life would be like that. I think I will slowly be losing up myself. Because that’s what I felt in January. I barely know myself. I lost track, everything becomes a routine yet I am not fully happy doing it. The saddest part was I am not able to communicate with myself.
However, in February, My friends and I in the middle of the zoom talks randomly planned to go to Malang. I personally believe that it won’t really happen yet I will be truly pleased if it really happens. Fortunately, in March we made it! And it was frankly delightful. Although it is only 4 days, it was indeed one of the moments that will stay long in my mind.
Then, April came. Now, we are in the middle of the month. April has always been my remarkable month because my birthday is in April. There are some traditions during my birthday. I always prepare some presents for myself. Wrote a happy birthday letter which contain appreciation and gratitude. Further, I always bought a birthday cake for myself, because my family is not celebrating any family members’ birthdays. Regardless, I do.
This year I turned 21, so many things ongoing, so many things growing, so many beautiful moments, and of course tears moments. I always tell myself to be grateful for everything that happens. I am now is made by all the pain and pleasure. By the books that I’ve read, by movies that I’ve watched, by people I’ve met. I sometimes regret things, I sometimes hate being an adult (well my lecture called us, the grown-up). I sometimes wonder what will I be in the future? I sometimes argue to myself am I capable to do something? Yet in those questions, I do grateful to be able to still stand. To be able to wonder what will I do tomorrow. There is also the moment where I lost. I am not able to talk with myself, I am not being me, I am way too faking up things. There are also moments when I am in anger, in bad mood, or in situations that lead to hurt some people feeling. I deeply apologize, I will try to not hurt people feeling, because I have been through that, and it was hurtful. At the end of the story, this post is for reminding me that I always have the opportunity to choose the kindness or not. To choose to be happy or not. Honestly, this post reminds me to be brave. I have been stuck these past months, yet I am able to write something at the end.
This year, I will broaden my point of view. To be grateful for small things. To appreciate more. To respect more. Moreover, to find things that I can do so that I will be able to talk to myself. The world is indeed not all about me, sharing always be the greatest thing ever. However, to take a look at myself, and says hi to myself, is also a powerful thing. Let’s slowly progressing. I know that everything is not instant. I am now growing, and I do hope I can bloom beautifully. This year absolutely going to be a roller coaster for me. Yet, I always believe in me, myself. Keep growing, keep asking, keep progressing. All the things that are ongoing right now. To all the things in the future, soon. To all the moments in the past, I am grateful. I, who write this now, have been growing so beautifully. Till the day comes, no matter how hard, no matter how many tears. I believe I will bloom, beautifully.
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Congratulations, you finally be able to write something. See, you are progressing, and this is one of the results!
