Living Alone Journal s— What Adulting Really Means for Me
I just arrived in a small book cafe after came to my friend’s graduation. Decided to write this thought because my head literally has so many thoughts and way to clearer everything is to write.
2023 has started almost two months ago, yet this year indeed one of the most surprising year. On January, I finished my thesis proposal but haven’t got any reply from my lecturer. Then mom was sick. It was a month full of hospital n stuff. She still recovery now but luckily she’s getting better everyday. On February, I went back to Malang, tried to reach my lecturer so that there will be progression on my thesis. I met one of my friend, in the library back then, we’re not too close but that was one of the most powerful conversations I ever had. We talked many things, about growing ups, insecurities, FOMO, and others.
It feels like I am way left behind to all of my friends, yet these friends who already finished the college are also confused with the life after graduation.
I don’t know, coming to this 20s era hit me with many things. Adulting force me to be mature with many situations that I do not expect going to be happened. Yet no one ask me, are you ready to be an adult?
Coming back to my current situation, February almost end, I finally be able presented my thesis proposal last week, it wasn’t good but I manage to continue to the next chapter. There won’t be plenty of things to do unless the thesis. Speaking of what will I do in the future. I am still figuring out things, whenever someone ask me what will you do in the future, I keep their questions hanging, because I also still don’t know what will I be in the future. Things that I always love to do are, reading and writing. Ah I guess, I talked too many information.
Came to my friend’s graduation day, alone. I met her friends as well, said hello, saw lots of people; friends, families, person, people, with their happy smile.
No one ever told me, adulting means you are happy seeing your friends happy even though you still in the previous page. Adulting means, even though bunch of people are already in the next page I still have me. I still have my own self, with my complicated thought, with my body that I am grateful, with all of the feelings that I had, with my soul, I still have me, and I belong to me.
Rain was coming down all of sudden, decided to say goodbye and I came to this place, a small book cafe with no one unless the waiter. Clearing my thought, while waiting for the next agenda; reading book club. I always grateful, either in the lowest part of mine or in the happiest part of mine, reading books, writing this messy thought always become my comfort zone. Luckily, today I be able to write it down, so this messy thought finally turning into words and I be able to read it, completely.
-sincerely, vir.
